Excuse me but the sun was in my eyes in the photo lol.
This is the first blog post I’ve posted on this site since 2016. I did continue posting blogs on Linkedin, but people still visit this site so I want to post here too.
People on my Linkedin already know this, but you may not: I moved to the New Orleans metro area back in June 2022 and couldn’t be any happier about the decision. I feel at home here.
A lot has happened since 2016. I’ll write a longer post later, but I have grown so much since then, discovered a lot of truths about myself and people around me, and unlike back then, I know exactly who I am and what I want from life now, which, considering I was 24 and 26 when I was writing these blogs before, significant growth and change usually does happen for a person during their mid and late 20s and finishes after the age of 30 lol, so no surprise there. I’m 33 now and I am all grow’d up.
Y’all call it growing up but I call it the Saturn return! We will get to astrology another time lol.
Before I end this post, let me share a condensed version of what has gone on with me since the year 2016, and then check out a few pics I took while in New Orleans.
Changes, changes, changes! 2016 must have been my last “normal year”.
From 2016 ish to 2022, my Saturn Return came and effed ish up, and so much happened.
2016 to 2022 was close to the hardest stretch of life I ever had to go through.
Family stuff reached its height from 2016, and resolved in 2021 and things have been good there since then, way better than it ever was in fact, since now the family is operating off of truths and transparency now…sort of. If you followed my filmmaking and screenwriting, I’ve been writing about my family since 2013. It’s been the heart of a lot of creativity, pain and discovery. I’m happy the family is together again. Even from a distance.
2017 I experienced the greatest heart break I had ever felt, second to the heartbreak in 2012 into 2013, and it was all by the same man. I had never and have never felt that kind of heart ache and pain in my life, and probably never will. Thankfully. Part of that reason is cause I am a different person now and won’t allow it again. Will I love again? Absolutely. To a healthy, GOOD man with no personality disorder this time. It will be a wonderful, beautiful thing next time. It’s coming soon now. I’m ready for it. I wasn’t ready most of the 2010s for a real relationship cause of that bs not being over him, and I wasn’t ready 2020-2021 cause of another’s, and so I wasn’t interested in dating after him either. But now? I’M READY FOR LOVE, Y’ALL.
Remember the films I posted about back in 2014 and 2015? Monae’s Room [2014] and Sometime Around January [2015]? That and What’s the Problem with Bill Winer? [2013] were all about a man I liked in 2011 and then fell in love with from 2012 to 2018, and this btw was back when I didn’t know what Narcissistic Personality Disorder was and when I believed the mask he was wearing was real. Yes, he has a personality disorder. That was awful. Narcs are nightmares to deal with.
All those films I wrote and produced back then did a lot to heal me but it never took the flame away from me. The flame I had for him died in 2018 when I finally saw the man for who he actually was and I said to myself, wow, you know what? I don’t love this man. I don’t even like him. I’m not in love anymore. It was literally like I was wearing blinders for most of the 2010s decade for me to have been so in love with him. Cause baaaby, let me tell you, he is not likable at all, never mind lovable, and I finally SAW it in August of 2018 when I took him back for a 3rd and final time. In fact, in my opinion he is crazy and touched in the head, he isn’t normal. It was literally like a bulb went off and I saw who he actually was in 2018 after all those years off and on, and I was disgusted. I dumped him, told him the truth about himself in text, and never looked back.
The changes could be attributed to getting older and wiser, but I also want to thank this change (and others) on the fact that it was around this time my Rahu Mahadasha ended and my Jupiter Mahadasha began. Rahu lasted from 2001 to 2019ish. I didn’t know about Mahadashas ’til a month ago. I just discovered it. I learned that usually people change and realize things and finally end things when their Mahadasha ends and a new one begins. They’re never the same person at the end of a Mahadasha. And some Mahadashas are 20 years, 19 years, 16 years. My Rahu was 20 ish years? I am NOT the same person I was at 2001, 2013, and now after it ended, at 2023. I’m well into Jupiter now though, and have been for a few years. I went back and looked and it said Rahu is delusions and lies. It also explains why I as disillusioned with another man and his bs in 2020-2021. The disillusionment! Oh my lordt. That explains those damn non-relationships. Oh my damn!
More changes.
My political views changed at the end of 2020 and I was a different person by 2021 as far as that goes. For the better. I realized what I believed and felt politically and socially was wrong. Things are never what they seem, and after you really pay attention to people and things, you start to see the truth about things, what’s really happening, and you stop drinking the Kool Aid. I am much happier and at peace since I changed politically and socially. These were one of the bigger, most positive changes I saw in myself at the turn of the 2020s. This change literally has set me up for a future happy, peaceful, full life.
What else?
I left Facebook in 2021. I have one but only to talk to family on messenger. It isn’t anything, surely not like the accounts I had before, and the way I was using them before!
It’s just another huge change and ending that can be attributed to the Mahadashas ending and another beginning. Again, I just discovered this astrological technique, but it fits my life’s course so perfectly when I look back on my life. I lost my FB account that I had since 2008, well actually I lost that one in 2019 when I deleted it to get space from family stuff…but I lost the other and last real one in 2021 and never looked back. I knew it was time to do something different, and being on FB all the time and sharing my life and thoughts was not going to be something I wanted to be continuing from there on. You know people have thousands of FB friends that they never talk to or spend time with? They’re not real friendships. It’s also pretty toxic and some people are crazy. When you write about your personal life and thoughts a lot, some people fall in love with you through the screen, stalk you, act crazy and stuff, write stuff on your wall if they feel rejected by you. There was one crazy girl from the film scene who went crazy too, and she was all up on my FB and instagram writing crazy stuff. Crazy and scary. Social media is no joke, I got off of there and I cut all of them off, I’m not playing with these weird people. I don’t do that. The older folks are right, stay off social media lol, cause people are crazy. I only talk to my real friends now through text and email, and that is about 5 people. Getting rid of FB and getting off of it was one of the best things I could have done. I’m happier now. That and cause I moved from that cold, icy, no sun-having New England place. Moving to the south: another thing I did in 2022 to end one chapter and begin another. Did y’all know the sun is bright in the deep south during the winter?? It’s dark as hell during this time of year in New England! Why didn’t y’all tell me it’s still bright and warm down here during the winter time?? We get tornados and everything in the winter, shoot!
In 2021, I started my Master’s degree program in Library Science and will be graduating in a few months. It was a long 2 years and I haven’t been focusing on much else but this degree. I’m happy that it is finally coming to a completion and I can move on to the next chapter. From here I plan to work professionally in library science, either in academia or public libraries, with filmmaking continuing as a fun hobby. That is exactly what I want. No confusions or back and forths about it this time. I know what I want now.
So keep visiting this site – I will be making more films in the near future!
I haven’t made a film since 2021, and I haven’t made a “big” film with other actors and a film crew since 2019. And I haven’t felt lacking or like I was missing out on anything either. I had to take a pause and figure out what I wanted for myself and my life. I even took a pause on dating. I had to re-evaluate what I want as far as a man and a relationship/marriage. Everything got a pause and a re-evaluation and then a swift rehaul and change. 2 years pause and now I know. Also, it just so happens I was under Saturn Sati, and I’ve also been in a Saturn Antardasha period, which means a 2 year period of seriousness and hard work, as well as contemplation and learning lessons. I didn’t know this ’til a month ago y’all that I was under these astrological periods. Astrology is real, guys.
My antardasha ends in July. My peak Saturn Sati ended a couple of weeks ago. My creativity hasn’t been present the past 2 years, but I honestly feel it coming back. I feel MYSELF coming back. I worked very hard the past 2-3 years and made necessary changes for my life, as well as learned great lessons. I got rid of toxic people, I got off FB, I got a Master’s, I learned about my self-love and what I want, and what I will and will not put up with from men and even friendships. I learned what I want for a career. I moved out of the place I was stuck in for so long, and now I’m living in a place that is very creative, very festive, celebratory, and romantic. This place has everything I want and need. All the filmmaking, music-making, romance-finding, fun-having that I will need for this next chapter of my life is in this place I’ve been moved to. God has had his hands on this and I am very elated and grateful.
I need a few more months to get things together as I finish my degree and secure my long-term career position, as well as buy a house. By the end of the summer, I should be done with hard work and have all my stuff together. Once that happens later this year, my plan for 2023,2024, to 2034 is to LIVE AGAIN. And only live. 2034 onward, my Saturn Mahadasha begins and lasts for 19 years, so not sure what the hell that means lol. Not worrying about it right now. Anyway! This time last year was 2013. I was very young, just coming into the film scene and was very creative, full of love and life. The difference between then and the coming end of summer 2023 is I’m older now, more secure in myself, love myself, and will never down myself or do the things I did for a man like I did then. Then I was creative, passionate and full of life, but also naïve and, young and dumb, and insecure. Now I will be creative, passionate, full of life, but OLD, STRONG AND CONFIDENT AF. Haha!
I am grateful for this Saturn Sati and Saturn Antardasha! Let’s finish this UP and continue on to a new chapter!
Enjoy my pics of New Orleans and Louisiana below. Catch you soon!
People have come up to me after watching the full short and told me the film was beautifully directed and edited, and that the acting was powerful. They shared how great the cinematography was done (by Paul Bulgin), and how beautiful the music was (composed by Steven Lanning-Cafaro). One film Director told me she loved the element of mystery throughout. She said she thought it was also compelling. YESSSSS. That is exactly what I wanted! Beauty, and mystery. Those words directly describe what I wanted out of this film. Because love is beautiful, and love is mysterious and compelling; powerful, but also painful. Testosterone is a blinding and powerful thing, people.
What’s next for the film? It got really good feedback so that was pretty awesome as I already said. I feel it was a good year as far as the film goes and am looking forward to 2016. I submitted the film to a bunch more film festivals. In 2015, Sometime Around January played at local film festivals in the Boston area (Art City Cambridge Film Fest, Shoe City Shorts, Home Grown Shorts, Shawna Shea Film Festival etc), so I was driving up there a lot between August and November to screen the film. The film was also nominated for Best Short at the Shawna Shea Film Festival last month, and I’ve never accomplished THAT so it was amazing. I really am excited to see what happens in 2016. Where it goes you know…
I can’t go too far into how Sometime Around January plays out as there are twists in just 5 minutes worth of film, but I hope you will watch the teaser below.
Raeshelle Cooke 